Do you ever feel trapped?

I feel completely trapped I have a BA and went back to school for teaching well every opening seems to have someone better than me for it I am always two steps behind. My husband well we know each others names thats it he informed me couple years ago he has never been happy wish he could of informed me before 4 kids and 20 years marriage. He is always gone so I tried to raise the kids the best I could no help from him. Although he loved to tell them how I was useless nothing is ours all his and I hardly have an income. Of course any finance decisions that were made and did not turn out those I made by my self... Well here I am feeling trapped have no family and no good paying job. Oh also I must be the worst person ever because the more I tried to stand up for my self it backfired and while I was trying to be a parent my kids resented and agree that I am worthless as a person and a mother. My kids are good kids they are not slackers and are very intelligent but I screwed up as a mother and a person. Thanks I needed to type this somewhere.